Painful Truths [Private] [Dated]

[Clear Skies]

Nov 17th
Evening

Clear sighed. Navigating the Undermarket was troublesome. And the general disposition of the place led her to believe sanitary problems must abound. She didn't want to be here much longer than she had to. She sighed. She knocked on the door. "Hello, I was directed here by the mare at the front desk. This...is Sutures room right?" She asks the mare.

[Hark]

A weak 'yes' came from inside the room, possibly audible to Clear at the moment.

[Clear Skies]

Clear walked into the room. "Ah..hello then. I'm Clear Skies. My brother talked to you about a session?" She said unsure if he had discussed it with her.

[Hark]

Suture nodded as she looked toward Clear. In the short hours that Steel had left, her condition had deteriorated. Lying in the bed, the sheets and partial blanket covered her torso; her forelegs were free. Her right one was draped across her lower torso, whilst her left did nothing. "Don't just stand there, come in," she said whilst still looking toward Clear.

"Yes, I've been expecting you... Not a very good time I've been having."

[Clear Skies]

Clear nodded. She gave Suture a warm smile. "Yes. I've heard about a few of your troubles. Like your withdrawal. However, I'd like to discuss more pressing matters..." She says and pulls up a chair, the back end facing Suture. "Like how was your day?"

[Hark]

"... Interesting approach. Painful. Withdrawl and Mercy together aren't a very good mix. Until recently, I've been wallowing over the deaths of many, and now I've come to terms that none were my fault- however, I'm still saddened over their losses... and I'm losing my mind to drugs," she says, slumping forward with a frown on her face.

[Clear Skies]

Clear keeps her smile. "Well that's certainly a step in the right direction. I'm glad your coming to terms with your past. That's an important part of any therapy." She says, and thinks about her next sentence. "When did you start taking drugs?" She asked.

[Hark]

Suture contemplated for a moment, on thoughts she did not want to think. "I think... a few years ago. After my lover died," she said, a frown forming upon her face.

[Clear Skies]

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been so painful..." She said. "Were they originally a prescription or were you using them yourself with supervision?" She asked. She needed to be careful. Drug addicts could be unpredictable when withdrawing.

[Hark]

"I just... I don't know..." she says, her breathing getting a little heavy. "I.. I'm a.. or was, at least... a doctor, so I just had a stock... I knew what it did, so I started using it to... alleviate my stress."

[Clear Skies]

Clear noticed the heavy breathing. "Calm, my dear. I am not judging you for what you did. It's quite common after tragedy's for beings to find stress relievers. You were a doctor, and you had something to relieve your stress." she said, feeling her pain. "There is nothing wrong with relieving stress. Only the manner in which we do it." she said. She kept eye contact as much as possible, the warm smile still plastered on her face.

[Hark]

Suture began to glare toward Clear. "It sure seems you are, with that false smile, subtly criticizing me," she said, her breathing getting slightly heavier as she looked away from Clear.

[Clear Skies]

Clear sighs, and her smile slowly turns into a neutral expression. "My patients always assume I smile because it's part of the therapy..." She says, and adds. "No one ever stops to wonder if it's genuine or not. Were judged everytime we take on a new patient, who assumes that for some reason a therapists smile is not real. So, really, we know about being judged just as much as anypony. So why would we do it ourselves?"

She let's the question hang in the air. Her voice had been calm, and hadn't even been raised as she said the phrasing. "And to clarify, that was not a judgement on your assumption. Just a clarification that I'm the least likely person to judge you."

[Hark]

Suture sighed as Clear continued on her rant, a noticeable change of expression occurring on her face. "I suppose I can understand that..." she said, pausing for quite a few moments. "Your brother," she began in a slightly more depressed tone. "... I had to lie to him. I wanted him to feel better, or at least to try..."

[Clear Skies]

Clear was....extremely curious as to why he needed cheering up. However, after her inability to keep Megs safe, she owed it to him not to go snooping. "We all tell white lies from time to time. The most generous thing you can do for somepony is help them feel better. Even if it isn't the truth." She said, and added "Why does it bother you so much? Are you not used to telling lies?" She asked.

[Hark]

Suture sank further into her bed, a visible shiver in her body. Sweat still permeated her coat. "I... No. I'm worried that he knows I lied, that he knows that I'm still struggling..."

[Clear Skies]

"Steel is a smart stallion. He knows withdrawal isn't exactly easy. I'm glad you put on a front for him. It shows you still care. It means you have something you want to see happy." She said, her smile slowly returning. "Does he remind you of somepony?" She asks.

[Hark]

"You misunderstand," Suture began as she closed her eyes for a moment, shuddering as she opened them. "I don't wish for him to suffer, or to worry. I want to go out without anyone else caring. That's how it's always been..."

[Clear Skies]

"Its far too late for that Dear. He does care. Otherwise I wouldn't be here talking to you." She said calmly. "You have plenty of people who care for you. You will have to accept that." She added.

[Hark]

"Then they should stop," she said, her tone growing ever angrier. "I don't want to accept it. I'm far too much of a bother to anyone."

[Clear Skies]

"You know Dear, you will always have people care for you. No matter what. It's an irrefutable fact of life." She said. "And you need to let them help you. The easiest way through withdrawal is with people that care for you." She said, with a warm smile. "I know how your feeling...You feel as if there is a deep nothingness inside you. You just want to curl up and die. However you can't. You need to keep up your head and beat the symptoms into submission." She said, hoping to instill some sense of urgency within Suture.

[Hark]

"I really hate you and your logic... And I really hate to admit this: you're right," she said in a hoarse tone, sinking further into her covers. "So, what's next?"

[Clear Skies]

"You need to have a focal point. A goal, a memory, something. It needs to be something you look forward to, or are proud of. Enjoy the time with your friends. Do those two things and it will help a little bit with the withdrawal." She said speaking clearly, and still calmly. "The best thing you can have at a time like this is friends and memories/goals. "

[Hark]

"Memories... out of the question," Suture began, shuddering. "Friends... I have those. Goals... yeah. Anything else?"

[Clear Skies]

"Just try to remain positive. Any positive thinking you can muster will be a step closer to beating your withdrawal. Once your free, I'd recommend you stay with a close friend or someone you trust to ensure you don't relapse." She said. She put a hoof on Suts shoulder. "You seem to have a strong personality. I have no doubt that you'll get through this." She added.

[Hark]

"Positivity is difficult. Have you ever tried it, in the midst of hell?" She asked, quirking a brow. "Nah... I'll try. I know I can make it through, there's no questioning that. It's going to be over in a few days, regardless," she said with a weak smile.

[Clear Skies]

"That'd be quite the feat dear. Usually withdrawal take a few weeks to disappear even for short term users." She said returning the smile. "With that conviction you'll beat the record I'm sure." She reassured.

[Hark]

"No, literally," she began, massaging her temples, "the symptoms go away in a few days. Brunt of 'em, anyway..."

[Clear Skies]

Clear nodded. "Well Let's hope you can get through them with as little pain as possible." She said. She put a hoof on the bed next to Sutures. "Then maybe we can more...extensive therapy." She says, keeping her warm smile.

[Hark]

"Yeah... Later," she said, sinking further into her bed.

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